life muddled

Once again I was left to ponder the great mysteries of this world . Like why does God let piss poor parents have children, I am a father and will go to hell as soon as GOD chooses for my parenthood. My mother who finished High School and my father who did not finish grade school then this loving God gives me to these two who should have been as baron as the moon. As unable to have children as a mule is to have offspring. I was born with Bipolar and A.D.H.D. so they knew nothing about taking care of me, training me, encouraging me, helping me. There are two children in my family the Golden child my brother and the piece of shit that they are ashamed of me. Now Marshall my golden child brother made good grades in High school and I barely squeaked by but did graduated. When later in life I wished to attend college my loving mother said “How in the hell are you going to college you barely graduated high school” I had similar moments of encouragement from her like this all my life. Marshall failed first semester of college Mother and Dad paid for second one he failed worse if that is possible since he made f in every class but Physical Education he only made an A in that cause he was on the rodeo team at Cisco Jourinor college. Now he got on at the post office and stayed for 20 years. Me like all mentally disabled folks I followed Lao See and flowed with the river from job to job. Five failed marriages four children none of which I did right by cause I was not there, I do not give a damm about all the stupid Judges in America but all the child support in this earth will not replace a father, and some of these mothers that get the children are not too swift as parents either. My parents said when my first marriage went down that a friend of there’s that sat on the bench in Texas said even if she was a hooker doing it in the same room with the baby that mother will get the baby save your money. Baby one gone at 3 weeks and kept by the Church of Christ people that were her family. Where does it in the Bible say take the children and keep them from the father when you disagree, I am sure some Preacher or professor at Abilene Christian University knows the verse and can point it out. Baby two had my loving mothers help she gave the wife the money to fly back to Hillsboro Oregon never saw this one as it was in the mother but again Church of Christ kept the baby from me. Must have been cause I was once divorced before nothing but pure sin. Wife no 3 took Jake and Emily she was raised Baptist though her father a deacon in the church. I ask my daughter Emily about this to confirm it and 24 months after she went home to North Carolina she walked into her fathers room and found him dead. I would like to think Maybe god got as tired as I of hearing those children cry when he took the phone from them to keep them from speaking to me cause I was behind on child support. I wonder if god has that much justice in him?? It would be nice to think that a life muddled like mine can have some good in it.