why should god let me live

07/18/11
Well life just pooped in my corn flacks . I had a subarachnoid hemorrhage passed out ran a stop sign crashed. My pickup was towed I tried to get my mother and my female friend to take me to the yard where it was towed to but was last in line as usual.When I did get there I owed $250.00 in storage my truck sold for $700.00 minus the storage plus $170.00 to pay for my traffic ticket left me 280.00.This is so typical of my life always on the ass end.I was born with Bipolar&Adult Attention Deficit Disorder so I have a messed up brain to begin with.I really do not care if I live another minute. My mother who counts every dime she spends on me would be telling me of every penny of her $250.00 so would my father but when it comes to me the oldest child screw him. My brother was the apple of there eye they took him to Colorado to the American Junior Rodeo Association finals and left me in Texas to take care of the ranch that my father was the foreman of. They paid for me a deer hunt and packed me off with some preacher I did not know with a bunch of strange men to Mason Texas.I ask God to kill me every time I pray because I see no use in my living.I am a senior in college did not finish,failed at the United States Marine Corps,5 failed marriages,and contact with only one son,my 3 daughters do not recognize me.Mind you I thing there is a great brain here and I have felt that there was something great I should do but it seems the great thing is great failure.Why should god let me live??